I had another Doctor's appointment today.  The doctor had the results of the Biopsy he did on me last week.  I was sort of concern.  The appointment was at 1:30pm today.  I didn't really get a lot done at work because I was thinking about all the things that would be changed in my life it the test came back positive for Cancer.  It is funny how your mind works and all sort of things wander in and out.  I must confess, I was more than concerned about all this.  I said that I would die before I had to live with no dignity.  I guess I would have, we are all going to die eventually, but it would have been after the fight.  I am not in a real hurry.  Anyway the Biopsy came back Benign.  I don't have Cancer.  At least not today.  He did say that he will do some more test to find out why my PSA has gone up but it isn't Cancer. 

 

I think I was mistaken.  I will add a few jokes just for Giggles and Grins.  Check out the links.  You will enjoy them.

 

You all have a good day and God Bless.

 

 

 

MISSING HUSBAND

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift
in  the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was
a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and
brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Rick has been missing since Friday.

*******************************************************************

Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me."   

His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed.   

On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation. I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me."   

The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers.   

He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the ladies' tees!" 

 

 

     I knew it would happen someday but didnt' know when.   My daughter called and told us that we were going to be Grandparents.  My wife is very excited and I am too as far as I dumb Old cowboy gets.  I am very happy because my daughter is.  So is my wife.  Don't get me wrong I am happy.  I just don't handle little ones very well.  I will have to be patient and wait for the time that they can hang with me.  Then I can spoil them and take them places.  You see I don't handle dirty diapers very well.  I am sorry.  I just can't.  My wife could never understand how I could do what I do and have done in life for so long and can't change a dirty diaper.  Had to hold my breath when my own kids were small.  Didn't do it very much if I could figure out a way to get out of it.  I have decided that when he/she gets to where they can go to the bathroom by themselves, can take a fish off the hook and bait the hook, hit a golf ball then they can not only hang with me but will get tired of going places with me.  Go figure.  Looks like St. Patrick's Day is the projected due date. 

 

 

 

Have a safe Monday. 

 

 

             Well I have no excuse for be absent for so long other than I have been traveling for pleasure, Personal Obligations and work, not to mention work has been really busy lately.  I have had some health issues also that have me thinking of other things at the moment. 

            My wife and I went to Vegas to attend our close friends son’s wedding.  We enjoyed it a lot.  Saw some shows and the musical, “Mama Mia”.  If you like musicals I really recommend it to everyone.  I know that the movie is due to be out soon but I don’t know if it will even come close to compare with the live stage show.  We were fortunate enough to obtain front row center seats.  I could reach out and touch the conductor.  The stage was just a few feet away.  It was like the actors were playing to us.  My daughter, son in law, our friends all had a good time.  My long life Richard, “Daddio” needs to see it while he is there in September.  It will only be on until January. 

            I did gamble a little.   Actually I won enough at the Black Jack table to pay for the whole trip and by my wife a nice bracelet.  I don’t look at it as being all of that great of a accomplishment, I just got back some that I have left at different Casinos over the years that I have been crazy enough to go visit.  It was still fun.  My son in law and I spent some time together acting foolish and gambled often for the four days we spent there.  One night we started at 8:00pm and sat at the Black Jack table until 5:30 in the morning.  We all had such a good time that we have planned to go back soon. 

            I have had to go to different places for work and it really puts me behind in all the paperwork but it is part of the job.  Flying is gotten to where it isn’t fun anymore.  Living out of a suitcase for a few days at a time isn’t either.  I have to go to Austin sometime this week but I am trying to put it off.  For those of you from Texas….. I know from Dallas to Austin isn’t but about 2 ½ to 3 hours but when you have to be there at 7:00am means you have to leave at 3:30am or so.   The drive back that afternoon is what is hard.  Oh well, I will bite the bullet and just do my job like I have for years. 

            I had to go back to Houston a few weeks ago to the funeral of my Aunt.  She will be missed.  She was a special lady to me.  I spent a lot of time with my cousins growing up.  She was fun and really allowed us to do things that most parents would never think of letting a group of 9, 10, & 11 year olds do.  Of course in the 50’s things were different. 

            I am still going to the specialist for test.  I had biopsies taken today.  It was uncomfortable but manageable.  Maybe they can figure out if I have the big “C” now.  I am good with whatever the outcome is.  Over the years I have faced the Grim Reaper face to face on many occasions.  I cheated and won out.  I have made my peace with God.  I have lived a good life, done a lot and accomplished a lot.  I hope I did well for others.  I have the best of family and friends and that includes you cyber friends.  I believe we all have a purpose here and I don’t know if I have fulfilled mine but if so then so be it.  Don’t get the wrong idea; I am not going out easy.  I am a fighter and will not lay down and just die.  I am just ready for it when it happens.  I am like my namesake…. Davy Crockett….. “I’m a screamer”.   I do strongly suggest to all men over 40 to go get that dreaded “Finger Wave”.  Get checked at least once a year.  I didn’t like it and I bet you won’t either but it might save your life.  I have one doctor who said, “If you like it then you need to go get another doctor”.  I assured him that it wasn’t on the top of my list of things to do.  He assured me that he didn’t like administering it at all, probably just a little less than I disliked having it.  Just take my word for it, “Just Do It!”.  If not for yourself, for your family and friends.

             I broke down and did something I said that I would never do again since when I loose one it tears my heart out.  I got me a Border Collie puppy.  She is a mess right now but she is a sweetheart.  Still all puppy and gets into everything but she will come along.  I named her "Baby" but my wife changed it to "Abie".  She is learning fast.  They say that Border Collies are very smart.  She has proven that in many ways.  She has gone with us to watch the "4th of July" fireworks, and since we have a "Drive In Movie Theater" not far away she has gone with us there several times.  She has behaved for the most part.  She will keep me company in my old age. 

            As usual, I will leave you with some warped jokes that have been shared with me.  You might have heard them already.  If you did, just read on to the next.  I am sure that I have found something to turn up the corners of your mouth.  If you do smile or find them offensive, sick or crazy, I have done my job.  Keep the peace and God’

 **************************************************************************************************

           

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.' The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female..... ********************************************************************************************************************* One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the H*** is this??' he said to himself as a little dust cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'Debbie!' he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?' 'It's not talcum powder', she says...... 'It's 'Miracle Grow!!'          ************************************************************************************************ HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED   Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. *********************************************************************************************************************************   LONGEVITY   Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. **********************************************************************************************************************************   My Computer Problems ??? I was having trouble with my computer.  So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like  Mission Control and asked him to come over.  Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.  As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?  He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.' I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error?  What's that?  In case I need to fix it again.'  Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?' 'No,' I replied.   'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'   So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

                It’s been a long time since I added anything to this forum.  I don’t have any excuses for ignoring my cyber friends other than work, health and just busy with all sort of things going on.

                I have worked some long hours which causes a lot of fatigue and when I really tired I don’t seem to be in the mood to write.  I have asked myself several times a day why I came out of retirement.  I know it is because I like the extra money but I guess I like what I do.  I do get where there are days I think about going back to retirement. 

Unfortunately I have had to go to the doctor more than I would like.  This too has made me not be in the mood to write a lot.  When you get my age they like to poke and prod you more and they sometimes find things that make them want to poke and prod even more.  You take a test to see if you need another test.  I think it is a conspiracy between the medical profession and the insurance companies.  Maybe or maybe not. 

I have had to go to several funerals lately.  Not something that most of us enjoy but out of respect to those who passed away and the family and friends we need to sometimes attend those funerals.  I know we are all going to have to go sometime.  I am ready to go when I am called.  I am not really ready to go yet but I am ready.  I will be kicking and screaming the whole way. 

I drove to Galveston Saturday morning to have a short visit with my long life friend.  He was at his Aunt’s beach house.  It is a place we spent a lot of time at when we were younger and hung out on the beach a lot.  It has been around a long time since had had been there last and still a nice place to visit.  His Aunt passed away earlier this year.  She was a cool lady.  She will be missed.  I do not know if his family will keep the beach house or not, but I do know that my friend really enjoys going there to relax.  While I was there I picked up a small sail boat that we used years ago.  It brought back a lot of memories.  The trip back to Dallas was an experience.  I had taken a friend and coworker with me.  We had to stop and check the trailer wheel bearings often, mess with the trailer lights, had to fight the traffic find places to where I could pull into towing that boat trailer.   It sort of reminded me of some of the college road trips.  Galveston has really changed over the years.  I use to go and hang out there often when I was younger.  West Beach use to be just miles of beach and now not only are there subdivisions of beach houses there are Condos after Condos.  I wonder if humans know how much we have done to destroy the natural beauty of this world.  At least they don’t let those crazy people drive on the beach anymore. 

I have managed to get the back yard flower beds cleaned up and trees trimmed and the pool clean and operating.  Not without some cost.  One of my flower beds was looking ragged.  I pulled out a lot of decretive vine, monkey grass and other things like weeds.  I am in my late 50’s.  I have been in and out of the woods my whole life and never had “Poison Ivy”.   I got it this time.  I have never been allergic to it in the past.  According to several people and “Google” you don’t have to be allergic to Poison Ivy to get it.  Those that are allergic can get it by just walking by.  I at least had on long pants and gloves.  The short sleeve shirt didn’t give me any protection.  I have learned that the oil in the plant will make anyone break out it you get it on you.  I managed to get through it without too much discomfort.  Since then I have sprayed that particular flowerbed to kill everything and checked the others for “Poison Ivy”.  I will replant the whole flower bed.    

I spent the day being lazy.  I needed that a lot.  Watched a lot of television and laid around and relaxed.  Everyone needs to do that from time to time. 

Since I don’t have to work tomorrow I will work some more in the yard and flowerbeds stopping to take a dip in the pool.  There are a lot of war movies on television tomorrow too. 

I hope everyone has a eventful and safe “Memorial Day” and while you are having fun or whatever you may be doing tomorrow, remember those men and women that gave their all so we could have the right to do those things that we will be doing. 

As always…. I will leave you with some things to turn up the corner of your mouth (I hope).  I have a warped sense of humor so if any of these were to offend then it wasn’t meant to hurt or offend anyone.

Have a good one……..

 

************************************************************************

What a silver-tongued Dude he was!
     
   Only a Southern man can make you feel like a woman!!!!! 
          
   A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning. 
           
    One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane And screamed, "I'm too young to die," she cried. Then she yelled,  "If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be Memorable! Is there anyone o n this plane who can make me feel like a woman?" 
           
    For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.    Then a man from Texas stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.  Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.   No one moved.  He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest. She gasped... 
    Then, he spoke... "Iron this -- and then get me a beer."

***********************************************************

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top .


"REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM."

 

*****************************************************************

medical news

Just had to share because I'll bet you didn't know this:




Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the
eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving
People a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your butt and see if
it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

***************************************************

 

          ****************************************************

 

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.  It's called .........
   "Ministers Do More Than Lay People"

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss,  the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in  the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. the seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable.  Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8.. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a  large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off.  I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. Definition of a teenager?  God's punishment...for enjoying sex.  
       
12. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way

*************************************************************

 

 

*****************************************************************

 

A Short Blonde Joke

 

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.

  

 

 

After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?' Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said,  'nope, not yet Bubbles'.   So they row a little farther.... 

 

Again Bubbles asks Barbie, 'Do you think were out far enough now? 

 

Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest. ' 

 

So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface gasping for breath. 

 

'Well is it deep enough yet, Sis?' 

 

'Yes, finally.  Hand me the shovel.'